What would life be without?
by Remus-Chocolade
Summary: A collection of random oneshots and shortstories about anyone and everyone from the Marauder's era to the Next Gen. Most are funny, but some have a more serious undertone. Includes "Paper", "Dreaming" , "Dinner", "Swatting" and more.
1. Paper

**AN: I did get the idea while at the loo, but still it really just sprung out of nowhere. I don't own any of this.**

Her cell-phone rang. "Hi, what now?" George kept calling her for the smallest things. As far as she remembered they hadn't got phones with the WWW-logo and everything jsut so he could harass her.

"I was wondering if you could do me a favour," he said, sounding as if he smiled. Angelina sighed and he gave an insecure laugh before continuing. "You know I was going to the Ministry today, sorting out some legal crap."

She nodded before remembering that he couldn't see her. "Yeah."

"Well, I _am _at the ministry now, and I am dealing with some crap, but..." he fell silent and she waited for the rest of the sentence.

"The thing is that I'm in the bathroom at the third level. And it's out of paper." She could virtually hear him blushing.

"And? Can't you just summon some paper from the next room?" She jumped up on the counter and looked around the empty shop.

"The bastard at the reception took my wand. And I've been sitting here for the better part of an hour, going through several plans. I can't sacrifice the tie I got from Percy for Christmas, either."

She had to laugh, of all the tight spots he had gotten in and out of through the years, an empty paper roll got the better of him.

"What do you want me to do, come down and give you the paper three feet away from you?" She jumped down again and went over to the window. It was foggy outside and few people in the street.

"I would appreciate it," he said feebly. She sighed, turned the sign at the door to closed and walked over to the fire place, threw a handful of emerald powder into the flames and said "Ministry of Magic."

It was people scurrying all over the entrance hall, but she simply left her wand at the desk and walked towards the elevators. "Hey miss, you have to sign here!" She turned around sharply and looked at the young man. He probably was fresh in the job, so she didn't bother to yell, just scribbled her name in the book and hurried to the elevators, the phone still to her ear.

"M'kay, I just got out on the third, where do I go from here?" She had never had the need to know where everything was at the Ministry and the long corridors reminded her why.

"Go down to the left, turn right at the end, then it's the third door on the left." She did as he told her and soon found herself in a white-tiled room with several closed chambers_._

"So..." She hanged up the phone and looked at the brown shoes visible under the far right door.

"Come on, I've waited long enough!" He sounded ready to kill, but she just calmly took out the roll from next door.

"Open up and you'll get it," she teased. The lock turned and the door opened, revealing one very aggravated fiancé with his trousers around his ankles.

"Thank _you_," he spat as she handed it over. The door slammed shut. "This is really getting to you, that you got cornered by something so basic," she commented as she looked in the mirror above the sink. She heard the flush and tried not to fall into a fit of laugh at the absurdness of the scene.

"Oh well, sometimes nature gets the better of the best," he said lightly as he exited. "Lets go." His hand was almost at the door-handle when she cleared her throat.

"Wash your hands or I'm dumping you on the spot." She pointed at the sink, one hand on her hip and, against his will, he was reminded of his mother.

**AN: Okay, I may own a weird imagination. Review? **


	2. Dreaming

**AN: just a quicky that jumped into my head. Don't own the characters or any of the other stuff.**

"Evans, you know what?" James Potter ran down the stairs from the boys' dormitory and seated himself on the couch beside Lily.

"You finally learned to count to ten?" She replied dryly without looking up from the charms essay she was writing.

"No, I just had a dream. It was about us, our wedding day and it was outside in the sunshine," he started and she looked up, taking in the sighed of the excited teenager in his pyjamas and mismatched socks.

"Did I have a nice dress?" It didn't matter, it was just a dream he had, still she could play along. "Eh, it was okay, but that's not the important thing, I was wearing quidditch-robes, really nice robes, with shiny leather details and a hat with a phoenix-feather and gloves made of yellow dragon hide. I think I was a real star, maybe on the national team. It just really made my day, and that's going to be my goal in life!"

Lily sighed and opened her book again. "I already know you desperately want to date me."

He looked puzzled at her for a moment. "No, I mean to be a quidditch star."

At this he received a fierce look. "Do me a favour, go play in the Forbidden Forest."

**AN; Look, I managed to write something short!**


	3. Droplet

**AN: Yes, another one, I've found back the fun in this. Record-breaking short for me, but I think it was funny.  
And can't you see I'm working with economy right now? **

He walked completely lost in his own thoughts. Leaving them in the tent had been extremely stupid. And she choose Harry over him. Maybe it had been the right thing to do for her at the moment.

He opened the bathroom door. It took a second before he took in the sight: The blond hair hanging around her shoulders in wet strings, a droplet making its way between her moonlight-pale breasts, ending in her belly-button. She looked at him, her pink lips forming a perfect "O", her hips making a small wiggle that sent chills down his spine. She finally moved, her smooth thighs rubbing together as she walked on a perfect line and slammed the door in his face.

He stood there, replaying the small scene in his head as he began walking downstairs again. His brother was sitting on the sofa reading and he took place beside him, still visualising the droplet slipping into her bellybutton, like a diamond falling into a well.

"What's with the silly grin?" Bill asked, almost wondering if it was due to drugs. Ron just shook his head slowly and he returned to his book.

"You're bloody lucky!" Ron exclaimed after a couple of minutes.

**AN: Am I the only one who find it funny that Ron drooled over his sister-in-law? **


	4. Regret

**AN: I found at least the start amusing. The rest may be a bit more serious...**

"Please, I was stupid! Incredibly stupid, downright dumb!" Arthur stood outside his own bedroom again, trying to get his wife to open the door. "Come out, or we'll all starve to death!"

At this the door opened and Molly looked ready to kill. Again. He would never get used to the thought of just how protective she was. He got down on his knees. "Please, I regret it so much, it was a terrible thing to say!" She tried to close the door again, but he had put a pyjama-clad knee in the way.

She looked down at the pitiful man, pleading for her forgiveness. "Yes it was," she agreed and slammed the door, feeling a bit of satisfaction at his yelp. He got up and she hurried to close the door properly.

"No please, let me at least try to make it right again!" He was starting to pound on the door to make sure she couldn't ignore him for long. "Be kind, could you? I love you over all other things on this Earth! You have granted me immensely joy yourself and through our seven children!" He stopped pounding at the mention of the children. They were only six now. "Let me apologise to your face."

Ginny stumbled out in the hall and saw her father sliding down the door and closing his eyes. She went and sat down beside him. "Why are you sitting here?" She asked as her mother rarely was in the bedroom alone. He just shook his head. "Tell me, I may be able to persuade her to come out."

He gave a small smile and stroked her hair. "No, I don't think you could." She took the hand caressing her shoulder and looked stubborn at him. "Is that another way of saying I can't handle it? I just help defeating You-Know-Who, something you said can't be worse." She disliked the fact that everyone in her family still looked at her as their baby girl.

"Okay, I said something about George. Something I shouldn't even have thought and definitely didn't mean." He looked at his only daughter, realising she had turned into a young woman. She furrowed her brow at him, making her look even more like her mother. "You didn't answer my question."

He sighed. "I said... I said that we may do best in leaving George alone. Not stopping him... Taking his life." The last words came as a whisper and tears formed in his eyes, it had been an awful thing to say the first time, the second was like rubbing salt on the injury.

"Then you deserve to sit here," Ginny said coldly and got up. He grabbed hold of her over-sized sweater. "No, I didn't think, didn't mean it!" He was desperate to regain the trust of at least one of the women.

"Still you considered it on some level." She yanked the sweater out of his hand and went to wake up Ron and Harry.

"No... I regret it so much! I wish the wall had hit _me. _That Greyback had attacked _me_. That I had been alert enough to see Malfoy giving you the diary. Anything, as long as I could protect my children!" He covered his face with his hands when he knew she was out of hearing-shot.

The door creaked behind him and he turned around. Her hair was a mess and her eyes was red-rimmed, but as she sat down and hugged him, he knew she was The One. The most beautiful One. The most forgiving One. And he didn't deserve her.

**AN: Aww, they love each other!  
Not even parents are perfect, and can you blame Molly for getting mad when he virtually wished one (more) of their kids dead?  
**


	5. Angelic

**AN: I've already established that these are pretty random? It's the weekend and my imagination seem to be on-high-speed.**

"Get up again, you lazy bastard!" Hermione yelled as she laid in the hospital bed, surrounded by her own mother, mother-in-law and, before he passed out, husband.

"That isn't going to work dear, he's out cold," her mother told her after examining him swiftly. Mrs. Weasley sighed. "Just like his father. He also fainted every time I gave birth, so I'm thankful I always had helping friends and family around me."

"He just have to hold my hand, I'm the one that have to push another human being out of me!" She had been patience for nine months, now that had come to an end. Her mother came over and stroke her wild hair. "Relax. I guess you're both a lot like your parents. Your father was afraid to talk to me for a month after you were born." This made her feel a bit safer, knowing it wasn't really something she could be blamed for.

Another contraction came and she wished she wasn't so against painkillers. A doctor came in and peeked into her most private parts, making her wish she wasn't so against killing. "Just an inch left and you can start pushing," he told her merrily. _Another inch?_

Harry stuck his head in to see how they were doing, and the doctor pushed back his chair to tell the news, revealing her crotch to the entire waiting room. She tried to cover herself up, blushing of both embarrassment and weariness.

"What happened to him?" Harry asked and went in, bending down to see if Ron was still alive. "Oh, the excitement got too much for him," Mrs. Weasley informed while wiping the forehead of the soon-to-be-mother.

Harry got up and looked out in the waiting area. "We'll better get him out of here. George, come and help me!"

"No, no, no!" She did not want any more people in here. Still he joined them, and since she forgot to keep her legs together, he got another involuntary look. "How you're doing?" He joked as they tried to decide where to put Ron in the meantime.

"Bloody great. How would you be doing if you tried pushing something the size of a water-melon out a hole the size of a lemon?" She crossed her arms and scowled at him. "Hey, I didn't know you had a sense of humour! You should have told me, think of all the fun we have missed," he said as he took one of his brother's arms over his shoulder, Harry taking the other one.

--

"Ready to go see your daughter?" Ron had barely waken in the unfamiliar bed before a nurse came in and escorted back to the waiting room where his entire family was.

"This is going to be one of the strangest moments of your life," Bill told him and patted him on the back. His fingers were tingling as he pushed open the door to meet the mother of his child. She was sitting in the bed, her hair a tangled mess but weirdly flat, a small bundle of blankets in her arms.

He slowly walked to her side, gazing down at the angelic face with a small tuft of red hair above. He smiled and stroke the cheek, his fingers big and clumsy next to the baby. She mastered the small act of gripping his pinky with her hand and he smiled, tears of immense joy flowing down his cheeks.

He looked up as his wife and she was crying to, still the three of them made the most beautiful picture they could imagine.

"So, how does it feels to be a grandmother?" Mrs Granger was taken back by the question. "I don't know, you tell me," she answered the other woman and smiled.

**AN: Hermione is usually pretty calm and down-to-earth, I know that, but when she gets fed up, she can be pretty kick-ass-bitch too!**


	6. Dinner

**AN: I had a moment of inspiration and good mood, so... And surprisingly it isn't about the Weasleys, but I'm trying to challenge myself a bit.**

The candles was lit, the house-elf had outdone herself with the food and his parents hadn't asked any embarrassing questions yet. The dinner was going much better than Draco had dared hope.

"Are you from around here?" Lucius asked the young lady beside his son. She gave a shy smile.

"No, I grew up in Dublin." Astoria was fairy comfortable in the big dining room and had admired the big crystal chandelier for some time now. It seemed to made out of a million individual diamonds, glittering and gleaming.

"Oh, it's nice there. You did go to Hogwarts, right?" His mother had a light and welcoming tone to her voice and her blonde locks were arranged in a neat bun with just the right amount of loose hairs around her pale face.

"Yes, two years below Draco." She put one hand on his and took a small sip of the wine. He seemed tense, even though he knew she had the right manners and could talk for herself. His parents, especially his father had never been easy to please.

"How nice. Do you want more roast?" Narcissa asked her, admiring the velvet-blue dress. She shook her head lightly with another smile.

"I really like that chandelier," Astoria blurted out, trying to fill the silence.

"Thank you, it's an old Malfoy artefact. The crystal was imported by my great-grandfather from Iceland." Lucius eyed the young girl, having to admit his son had excellent taste.

"I didn't know Iceland was big on crystal." Her voice was curious and Draco relaxed, wished she would keep talking so he could enjoy the sound. He was getting drowsy in a wonderful way from the food, wine and atmosphere, this was beyond his wildest dreams.

"I thought every old wizard-bloodline had some in their possession, seeing as it was very rare and expensive. When the Icelandic gnomes died out no one else knew how to make it," he added as a little history lesson.

"Oh, then I see why I haven't heard of it. My mother is a muggle." The temperature may have dropped ten degrees. Lucius hold on his fork tightened and he looked slowly up again. Narcissa swallowed, hoping her husband wouldn't do anything rash. Draco was about to pass out, it _had_ been too good to last. Astoria sat still, trying to ignore the impact her words had hit with.

"You. Are. A. Half. Blood?" It took Lucius immense strength not to shout the words and instead spat them out one by one.

"Yes, that is one way of putting it." Her voice was insecure and she started fiddling with her bracelet. Shooting a quick glance at Draco she saw him sitting up rigid in his chair.

"Did you know about this?" If his son had kept this from him on purpose he would disinherit him. The ministry may have put in hard laws against discrimination, but they didn't have to know the reason.

"I don't care," Draco answered through clenched teeth, staring straight in front of himself.

"Did you know it?" His father asked again, this time louder, more power behind his words.

"No, because I don't care." His mother was proud of him for speaking his mind, at the same time terrified at how her husband would react.

"You don't care? You are the last in the line of hundreds of pure-blooded Malfoys and Blacks! You have a responsibility for keeping it pure!" Lucius shouted and banged his fist in the table, causing his glass to tip over, making a red stain.

His son looked at him at last, cheeks flushed with anger. "What does it matter? You are the only one still caring about that crap anymore. And I love her, love her more than my own life. Haven't you ever felt anything like that?" Astoria's heart had made a big jump at his words. They had only been dating for a couple of months, but that second she realised she felt the same way.

"No, because I had the decency to put the wished of my family and responsibility for my ancestors first!" Lucius roared on. Narcissa's eyes became as big and shiny as the plate in front of her. Slowly she looked at her husband and saw in his face that he meant it.

"Come." She got up and the two teens followed, confused. "We're flooing to my sister now. You may do whatever you want, even burn down the house, I don't care," she told Lucius as he stood up and looked at her.

As she took the powder in her hand she was grateful her sister had forgiven her enough to let them stay for a couple of hours at least. That was the only good thing she could remember doing, getting back in touch with her remaining family.

**AN: Yeah, some drama. I think Narcissa may have been more willing to change her ways after the war. And I should write them meeting Teddy sometimes!**


	7. Ears

**AN: I'm on a roll today! This has base in something that actually is canon, as I found it on the Harry Potter Wiki and felt an urge to write it!  
Enjoy! **

"Bill, a letter arrived for you!" Molly shouted up the stairs. It was the middle of the afternoon and the house was too quiet. Something was wrong.

"Coming..." He didn't know why he answered since he already had dragged himself downstairs, followed by his five brothers and one sister. Why couldn't they find something else to do that hang around him, laying on the floor of his small bedroom, watching him laying on the bed.

"Mummy, I don't feel too good." Ron crawled up on their mother's lap and she felt his forehead.

"Well, you are a bit hot. Try drinking something, everyone should drink more in this heat." It really was unusually hot outside and she had felt it draining herself for energy too.

"Oh, poor Wonnie, awen't you feeling well? Should we call St. Mungo's? Or is it enough to cwy a little on Mummy?" One of the twins mocked as Percy went and got out glasses and filled up the water-pitcher, putting it all on the table for them to help themselves. Ron stuck out his tongue at both the nine-year boys, plastering a grin on their faces.

Bill still hadn't opened the blue envelope, suspicious since it wasn't the usual parchment colour. It could be cursed, or some foreign version of a howler. "What's with the waiting?" Charlie seized it out of his hands and began ripping it open.

"No! I'll take care of it myself, thank you." He snapped it back. If it was something dangerous he wasn't going to let it harm any others. He ripped the rest of the edge and took out the single sheet of paper, same blue colour as the envelope. Turning it over, he discovered not a single word was written on it.

He looked up to find all his siblings roaring with laughter, some pointing at him. "I'm glad I let you have it," Charlie gasped out and Bill looked at his mother for an explanation.

She was also trying to hold in some giggles, but told him to feels his ears. He did, and they were all shrivelled up. "No!" He stood up in frustration and put his hands over them, his beautiful ears, destroyed!

"Relax," his mother told him and motioned for him to come closer to her. He did, kicking one of the twins playfully as they both laid on the floor in cramps of laugher. She waved her wand and he felt a cool tingling. They were back to normal, thank Merlin!

"Who sent you this, I have to thank them!" Charlie looked at both the paper and envelope to find a signature or some other clue.

"Not sure, let me see the envelope again." As recognised the writing, he felt his anger turning towards one very rude Brazilian wizard.

"Well, the water isn't going to drink itself!" Molly poured all the glasses full to the brim and handed them out, knowing there would be a lot of screaming and running in about five minutes. Luckily they had a big garden.

**AN: Isn't the twins just too mean with poor Won-Won?  
Yes, I've become a question-talker. **


	8. Singles

**AN: Inspired by Øystein Sunde's song Sokka Mine, which you probably haven't heard unless you happen to be norwegian and a bit weird.**

Draco stood with his head down in the sock-drawer, looking for a pair. On the floor around him laid many socks, not two with the same colour.

Finally he found a black pair and sat down on the bed to take them on. "You gotta be kidding me," he moaned as he discovered them to Astoria's. He threw them too on the floor and went to the laundry room. On the line there was several of his socks, all in different grades of weariness and more holes than a Swiss cheese. Unless he wanted to look like a Weasley he had to find something else.

He tugged at the handle of the laundry machine, with some luck he could just dry whatever he found there and not be late for work. Would it work to stupefy it? No, it didn't.

"Open up, you useless piece of..." He started firing random spells at it until the door swung forward and he started to dig through the wet clothes.

He found sweaters and underwear and a bra, but no socks. He pulled out the last pillow-case and saw the small lump in the corner of it.

"Yes!" He had found several, one of them had to fit to _something!_ He was just about to start dancing when he pulled it out.

The brown fur was wet but still soft and he stared dumbly at the hamster in his hand.

"Dad, have you seen Cuppy-Cake?" His son walked in and took one look at the fur-ball before starting crying loudly. "You killed my Cuppy-Cake! He's dead and it's your fault! I hate you!" After hitting Draco on the arm the small boy turned around and ran to his room, the howls sounding all over the neighbourhood.

"What have I done to deserve this?" He'd never been religious, but he started wondering if some greater force wanted him to be very late this morning.

**AN: When you're named Scorpius you don't have any idea about good names :D **


	9. Music

**AN: Yes, I am a dork, that's why this is the warped result of a party I attended a couple of weeks ago. And I still don't own anything or make any money from this. **

"Dora, I'm not sure I really fit in here," Remus had to half-shout into his companion's ear due to the loud music. They were in the middle of a crowded dance-floor, multicoloured lights flew over them so fast his eyes hurt and he almost got dizzy. She perceived the place different, she liked the lights and music, one of her favourite songs were playing now, the drink in her hand was almost empty and she tried to get him to dance with her.

"Come on, let loose for once," she shouted back and almost tripped over her own feet, spilling her drink on the back of a big bloke, who turned with murder in his eyes.

"You're gonna pay for the cleaning," he told her and Remus closed in a bit, ready to pull her out of whatever problems she may get herself into.

"Don't think that, fat-ass," she replied the six feet of muscles she had spilled on.

"You wanna take this outside?" Like it would be a fight, he was at least five inches taller and three times as broad as her.

"Yeah, come on!" Tonks didn't care she was as good as risking her life and her hair flared redder as she lifted both her hands in different rude gestures.

"No, come on, let's go home." Remus took hold around her shoulders and leaded her through the crowd against her will, brushing up to countless strangers. They got out on the snow-covered pavement and he let go of her, she began striding away from her in anger, but slid on a particular icy spot the second after she got something out of her pocket.

"Oh Merlin! Why do everything have to be poo now! And I want a smoke!" She was laying on her stomach, kicking the tip of her leather boots down in the ground and acting very much like a toddler. A couple of girls about the same age as her walked past and shot her disapproving looks.

"Dora, you're drunk. And those aren't good for you," he added to the pack of Prince as he helped her up again. She didn't care and finally got the cigarette lighted.

"I wanna shag!" She suddenly shouted all over the street and he felt embarrassed on her behalf. "Can you shag me, Remus? I'm sure you're good in the sack!" She still talked just as loud and he felt a bit heated in the cheeks, he wasn't use to be asked so right in the face to have sex with younger women. Really not by anyone at all and he found he didn't like it.

"Let's get you home and to bed." He placed his arm over her shoulders to make sure she remained on her feet.

"Yay, we're gonna shag," she said airy as he made them walk down the street, looking for a taxi. He didn't even bother to correct her now, she was too pissed to come to her senses anyway. As they got into the cab and she placed her head on his chest, settling in for a nap, he realised how very much like her cousin she was.

**AN: You can put as little or much as you want into that last line.  
Review? I miss reviews, could you make me happy? Just a small one-liner? Please... **


	10. Hair

**AN: Yeah, just something I scooped together in about ten minutes, so it's probably not very good. Just wanted a tiny peek into the relationship between _the_ mother and her first-born son.**

Molly Weasley was known as a caring mother, although her sons may describe her as nagging sometimes. She knew she went a bit overboard sometimes, but it was purely out of love. Her oldest son had figured this out through the years and let her roll on about his long hair whenever he was home.

Upon hearing Bill would marry a French quarter-veela, she was happy for him. Upon meeting said woman, her happiness faltered more than a little and her sons felt her nagging intensify. She knew this herself, but _tried _to be nice to her daughter-in-law-to-be, sadly letting her frustration out on others, the pony-tail becoming a pain for her.

When her first-born was attacked by Greyback, she knew his life would change forever. It was just weeks away from his wedding, which she doubted now would take place. After being corrected on this by Fleur she laid low for some time before picking up with the preparations.

She saw Bill was struggling, even though his wounds was healing and he was soon to be married to a smart and beautiful woman. She knew she couldn't comment on his looks, not now, even though she still itched to get rid of his pony-tail. His looks had changed too much for her to deprive him of that familiar trait of himself. He needed the long hair to feel like himself.

Molly left her plans of getting her oldest son a hair-cut. But then again, he wasn't the only one who's hair was getting out of control. The twin's now covered their ears (or lack of) and Ron, he was even worse with red locks reaching down on his shoulders.

But the worst without doubt was Charlie, he looked like he had been living a year miles from civilisation with wavy, slightly sun-bleached hair several inches down his back. That had to be fixed.

**AN: I lied, I didn't start this to describe the relationship between Molly and Bill, it was to justify why she suddenly nagged about Charlie's hair at the beginning of DH. It turned out kinda cute anyway. And the reason Charlie let his hair grow? To impress a girl, but that's another story for another time ;)**


	11. Coffee

**AN: Listened to Stress by Jim's big ego and this came to mind. Would maybe make sense to do it with one of Hermione's kids, but on a second thought, Albus was nervous about starting school.**

Seventh-year James run up to his younger brother, wanting to catch up before he headed down to the quidditch pitch.

"Hey bro, what's up?" He said, shouldering his broom better and took a sip of his slurpee. Albus looked up at him, shifting the books he carried to the other arms.

"Oh, not much, we have a charms-test tomorrow, so I'm practising a bit, but I'm just not getting it right! And I have to, 'couse I have to get this right, or else I'll get crappy grades, which I can't, then Mum'll get depressed. And tomorrow I have potions, which is hard as hell, but it's going, if Malfoy would lay off my case I could listen to the teacher and this girl keeps asking me to help her and I don't even know her name! She have this really freaky eyes, you know like the painting on the fourth floor? Plus, I overslept today, not getting to look over my notes before transfig, almost turning my cup into a skunk and the teacher winked at me, what is he playing at? In defence Casey keeps nagging me about Dad instead of helping me! She's the freaking teacher, she have to help me! I have my OWLs in not _that long!_ I have to get my grades up, but my study group bailed on me, lousy of them. Aunt-Mione-says-the-OWLs-are-hard-and-I-have-to-get-them-to-get-a-job! Everyone around here is just fooling and flirting!It's a _school, for Godric's sake!_ Lils told me to calm down, but she doesn't have her _OWLs_ this year, she can stuff it! I-send-a-letter-to-Ron-to-get-him-on-my-side-but-he-didn't-answer-so-I-tried-Bill-but-he-told-me-to-stop-freaking! I'm not freaking out, I just want my NEWTs and a good paid job, not just flow on my name, which is the worst thing to happen me, no one wants to talk to a Potter with the middle-name _Severus! _And now I have to get going, or I won't get to study and take my NEWTs and my life will go down the crapper. For you it's easy, you don't care about anything besides quidditch and girls, but I need a real life! HermionetoldmemygradescountsninetypersentswhenapplyingtoajobandIneedajobtogetanywhere! _I need to get somewhere!_ I have to be the brilliant one and can't sleep or eat, I have to study! IfI'mnotbrilliatI'mnobody!"

James had found it amusing up until then, but now Al's eyes looks ready to pop right out of their sockets. He poured the remaining of his slurpie over his brother's head. The younger looked baffled, blinked dumbly a couple of times, but finally took a deep breath as the cold liquid ran over his messy hair and down his neck.

"Thanks, I needed that," Al said slowly with an ashamed smile.

"Anytime. Cut down on the coffee and get a social life," James advised him with a grin. "See ya." He continued his stroll to the pitch, whistling between his teeth. Albus took another deep breath and sighed, deciding to leave his studying to catch up with some friends he once had.

**AN: Well, that's that! That rant was pretty fun to write, but it could have been longer... Oh well.**


	12. Midwife

**AN: You may have noticed I've removed two chapters here, it's because they're perfect for another one of my projects...  
Just a little rushed thing to celebrate the twins' birthday, cuz I'm not organised enough to work before 3.30 in the morning. **

Muriel was relaxing with her morning cup of tea, sitting in her old chair and watching the spring make progress outside. If it just wasn't so wet she would maybe take a walk, not a long one, it wasn't good for a woman of her age. The flames flared emerald and two boys stepped out, looking pretty distressed.

"Auntie Muriel, you gotta come, Mum's having the babies," Bill said, glancing quickly around the over-filled room.

"Oh no, I know what day it is, I'm not going to fall for any April's Fool-jokes," she answered annoyed.

"But she really is!" Charlie told the ageing witch. "She laid down in her bed and Dad was going to help, but then he _passed on!"_

"Passed out, moron," Bill told his brother. "And then she said to go here and you gotta come and be midwife."

"Your uncle put you up to this, didn't they?" Muriel narrowed her eyes at the thought of Fabian, her lease favourite nephew.

"No-o, Mum's having the babies now!" Charlie cried and stomped his foot.

"Very impressive, you got your mother's temper and Fabian's acting-skills." She smacked her tongue.

"But it _isn't_ an April's Fool-joke, Mum's up in the bedroom and Dad fainted when she yelled out. Can't you come for just a minute, please?" Bill begged, his voice cutting in her ears.

"If you really insist," she agreed at last. "But if I find out it's just a prank I'll single-handed spank both you two and your uncle," she added as she stood up.

"Yes, just come!" Bill answered and Flooed back to the Burrow with his brother. Muriel sighed before following them.

**AN: Little, as I said. And I'm having too much fun with wee!Charlie, it's just too easy! And in my mind, Gideon had the decency to stay on his aunt's good side, at least not downright piss her off.  
The whole thing with not believing was inspired by the birth of my mother (that sounded strange,) cuz she happen to also be born on April 1st and her grandmother again didn't believe it when being called and told it. Pretend that made sense.  
**


	13. Firewhiskey

**AN: Parts of this is something that happened to a guy I know and as the geek I am it morphed into this.**

Sixth year Bill woke in his dormitory with a body laying on top of him. He smiled, thinking back at the night before, Gryffindor had won the quidditch match, his own brother had caught the snitch just in time and things had got a bit out of hand in the common room after someone got out some bottles.

Who was it he had began snogging again? Oh yeah, Michelle, the blond he had been checking out for some time. And now she was in his bed. His smile widened, even though he didn't exactly remember how they had ended up there.

He opened his eyes at last to stare into the sleeping face of Jason Steed.

"The hell!" Bill yelled and pushed the fifteen year old boy hard out of the four-poster. How drunk had he actually got last night and what the fuck had he done?

"Is it morning already?" Jason said dumbly and sat up with a drowsy expression. Bill was starting to panic slightly when something stirred on his other side and he saw Michelle turning in her sleep.

"What were you doing in my bed?" Bill hissed at Jason, trying not to wake the blond.

"Dunno, must've been sleepwalking," Jason answered with a dopey grin as the door opened, Charlie came in with sleep-tousled hair and climbed into his brother's bed with a heavy sigh, covering his eyes with the pillow.

"Can people stop flocking to my bed?" Bill shouted, waking Michelle and making Charlie cringe.

"Bill, shut up, my head hurts enough as it does," Charlie said and drew his legs up to his body.

"Good morning to you too," Michelle said and stretched her arm over Bill's chest, laying her naked body closer to his.

"Sorry for waking you," he said softer and put his arm around her.

"'S fine," she mumbled and closed her eyes again.

"I should get going," Jason said and got to his feet.

"Yeah, you should," Bill answered and glared at his friend.

"Nice spending the night with you," Jason said before exiting and Bill groaned.

"Bill?" Michelle said after a minute and ran a fingertip through his long hair. "Maybe we should get up, I'm hungry."

"Yeah," Bill answered as deep snores was emitted on his other side. "I don't believe you," he muttered with a look at his brother.

**AN: Jason will also pop up elsewhere as he arranged Bill's bachelor party, but that's a completely different thing, just wanted you to know you may see that nut-case again ;) and I still love making fun of Charlie :D**


	14. Swatting

**AN: Just a joke I've waited too long to make. Don't own anything, but you should know that by now.**

"Oh, I love this part," Kay said and settled better against Sirius' side. They were currently seated on a sofa in Grimauld's Place twelve, watching Monty Python The Meaning Of Life. Sirius was just happy to have a normal night as was possible in his hiding state.

"Every sperm is sacred," the twins began singing along, putting their hands over their hearts and looking as sincere as possible with the gigantic grins.

"I've probably be swatted for this," Sirius said, letting his eyes travel from Kay to Charlie and Bill by her side and down on the two fools seated on the floor. "But that is _the_ Weasley song."

For once Sirius was right and used the coming week to complain about the bruises.


	15. Toto

**AN: I've been sitting up all night again, so this is probably whack, but I don't care, I just want to share it. Three one-shots about Charlie and the twins.**

"Hi, Charlie," the twins chorused as they entered their brothers' room.

"Hi guys," Charlie replied, not looking up from packing his trunk for his first departure to Hogwarts in just two days.

"You excited?" Fred asked as they sat down on Bill's bed.

"Yeah," Charlie said and stood up to scratch his head, trying to figure out how to fit all his stuff.

"Have fun," George said flatly.

"Something bothering you?" Charlie asked and plopped down on his own bed.

"We're gonna miss you," Fred admitted. "With you and Bill gone it's just stupid Percy and the babies left."

"Ron and Ginny aren't babies any more," Charlie said and absently picked up his teddy-bear from the pillow. "And Percy... Well, he's Percy."

"He's stupid," George said stubbornly.

"Yeah, he is," Charlie said with a small smile.

"Can we come with you?" Fred asked hopefully.

"I don't think so," Charlie said and sighed. "It'll be fun, but I don't think Mum would let you."

"Mummy don't want us to have any fun," Fred said and crossed his arms.

"She's stupid too," George said.

"No, she just... She just doesn't want you to get hurt," Charlie said with a frown.

"But we don't get hurt!" the twins said in unison.

"No, you don't," Charlie agreed.

"We'll hide in your trunk," Fred said.

"She won't see us and you can let us out when you get on the train," George said. Both the five-year-olds' faces had lit up.

"Don't think that would work," Charlie said and shook his head. "I can't even get what I need down there."

"But Charlie," Fred wailed as their faces fell again.

"I'm sorry, it would be fun, but it's just not room. I still have to figure how to fit Toto down there." He ran a finger over the ear of the old teddy-bear. "If I'm gonna bring him at all."

"If it's not room enough for us, it's not room enough for Toto," George argued.

"Guess you're right," Charlie said. "Maybe you could keep him safe for me?"

"If you don't wanna take him," Fred said carefully.

"I guess we could look after him," George followed with. Charlie stood up and relocated to between them.

"Take care of him," Charlie said and handed the teddy-bear to Fred. "Don't rip him apart."

"We won't," Fred said and sniffed.

The night Charlie had left the twins found themselves both in Fred's bed, Toto safely tucked in between them.

--

"Fred!" Charlie roared, having just opened his school trunk to find over a dozen frogs leap out. "George!" He slammed the lid back down and headed down the stairs.

"You called, Charles," Fred said, calmly sipping his tea at the kitchen table.

"The two of you – gonna give you – why did you -" Charlie stuttered, anger making his face turn red.

"You found our good bye-gift?" George asked, folding his hands around his cup.

"It's the last time I have to pack that damned trunk!" Charlie bellowed. "And you stuff it with frogs! Last freaking time I have to drag it down those bloody stairs! Can't wait to be out of here!" He stomped up the stairs again, muttering to himself.

"Gonna miss you too," George called mockingly after him.

"If he'd been a girl, I'd say he was having his period," Fred said airy. "Getting a job with dragons shouldn't turn him into one."

"Well, he's crazy," George concluded. After a short time the twins decided to go up and see how their brother was going.

"What are you doing here?" Charlie said, sitting on the top of the much-hated trunk.

"We live here," Fred said, getting a warning look from Charlie.

"We're sorry 'bout the frogs," George said. "It was really meant as a gift."

"Strangest gift I've ever got," Charlie said a bit more cheerful.

"We thought about getting you a bouquet of roses," Fred said. "But we figured, nah, Charlie doesn't care for flowers."

"Right about that," Charlie said. "And now half my stuff's been slimed down."

"Just be glad we laid off your bags," George said with a snicker.

"Yeah, I am," Charlie said. "I swear, this have just got smaller with the years." He tapped his knuckles to the trunk.

"We still remember the first time you battled with it," Fred said, sending them into a small laughter-fit.

"Yeah, reminds me, you have taken good care of Toto, right?" Charlie asked.

"Course we have," they chorused back.

"Good," Charlie said with a chuckle.

"You wouldn't like to have him back?" Fred asked.

"Nah, you keep him," Charlie replied.

"Thanks," George said quietly, having something from their second oldest brother meant more that they would admit to anyone.

--

"Something's still missing," Fred said when they collapsed on the couch of their flat after using the whole day on moving in.

"I know, it just doesn't feel like..." George said with a shrug.

"Home," Fred said. Even if opening their own joke shop had been their dream for so many years something felt empty about the place. Suddenly he jumped up and went into the bedroom, George just waited until he came back out and placed something on the mantel.

"Now, that's better," George said and grinned. "Good, old Toto." They both admired the teddy-bear for some time.

"You know, it's almost like having a bit of, well..." Fred's ears turned red.

"A bit of Charlie here," George said.

"A bit of family," they said in unison and sighed.

"We're getting soft," Fred commented.

"We'd better get up and do something really manly," George said.

"Nah, too tired," Fred said. "I'm going to bed," he added after a minute and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. George followed him a moment later.

"What happened to sitting up all night, experimenting?" George asked through a mouthful of toothbrush.

"We managed to create a job for ourselves," Fred said and wiped his chin. "So at least one of us have to be up early tomorrow."

"Not me," George said and spat out.

"Yes, both of us," Fred said. "Even if I have to drag you down the stairs by your toes."

"If you insist," George said and mock-sighed as they headed for the bedroom. On a whim he grabbed the teddy-bear from the mantel before following his twin. They stripped down fast and pushed the beds together without exchanging a single word. Toto was once again in the middle and the twins sighed deeply.

"I think this is the start of something brilliant," Fred whispered.

"I thought we had started a long time ago," George retorted. "G'night."

"Yeah, good night." Fred tightened his hold on Toto just a tiny fracture.

**AN: You know they're all just big softies in the end, right? Maybe I'll look at this another time and improve it, but for now it's like this.**


	16. Assumptions

**AN: Been sitting up late again and something popped into my mind. Just a bit of her thoughts in a lot talked-about relationship, clear things up a bit, as I see it. I still own nothing.**

People saw them together and gave approving smiles. People saw them as the perfect joking couple, grown together. Started out as friends. Now easily holding hands when walking down the hallway.

Fred nudged Angelina's elbow with his and she giggled, making Katie Bell roll her eyes with a smile. George came with some lame joke about Snape and everyone laughed.

They didn't kiss, they didn't hold each other in more than a friendly way, but everyone insisted they were a couple, or at least would be any moment.

Through Alicia who had heard from Lee who had sat next to the twins when it was written, a letter to Charlie implied a romantic connection between them. Angelina just shrugged at the information, people could believe what they wanted to.

A bit flummoxed she accepted the invitation to the Yule Ball, she had a date with one of the Weasley-twins. Later, when she had pulled herself together and concluded it was in fact Fred that had asked her, she sighed. The night of the Ball turned out to be a private disaster and he didn't seem to notice her at breakfast the next day.

She let it pass, chatting with her other friends, laughing at Lee's innuendoes. She wanted Fred to speak to her, but the closest she got at the moment was his mirror-image.

Slowly things returned to normal and they were once again thought to be a couple, even if she denied it in a joking manner. They didn't kiss, they didn't caress, they just let his arm fall over her shoulders when they sat on the sofa, discussing non-sense with the others.

They were just friends, her and Fred. She knew it wouldn't be anything big, he was too whimsical and immature at that stage of their lives. She didn't want it to be anything big, they thrived as friends.

She used him and she knew it. Used, but never abused. She didn't want him, she had never wanted him. Not in the way she wanted George.

By getting closer to Fred, she also got closer to George. Alicia, fitting herself with the reputation of always spotting when two people were interested in each other, never caught Angelina and George's subtle flirting. He kept his distance, thinking she belonged to his twin.

As identical as the twins could seem at first meeting, Angelina, as well as the rest of their close friends, knew George was an inch closer to the ground, a tad more thoughtful and a pinch less reckless.

At one point it was driving her up the wall how her relationship with both the twins had developed and what people thought.

Then the war came, changing a lot. Then it ended, changing everything.

George was broken. He didn't want to live without Fred. Angelina couldn't live with herself if she let him slip through her fingers.

**AN: See, she never wanted to be romantic with Fred, she just didn't know how to go around with George at first!**


End file.
